i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
