Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
