I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
