the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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