I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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