I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
