I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
