Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
