yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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