I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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