lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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