I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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