You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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