Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
