you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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