my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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