Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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