Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
