you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
