Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
