She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
