I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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