No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
