I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
