FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
