Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
