if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
