sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just crazy horny about you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize