I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
