Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
