im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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