Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
