do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
