no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
