im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
