It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She told me I should be a condom model.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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