I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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