he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
