It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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