DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
