I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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