Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Randomize
