everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
