Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
