Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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