i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
