Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
