is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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