ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
