I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
