I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
