Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
