dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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