She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
