I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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