thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
