dude i'm inner monologue high
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
