People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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