So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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