it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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