I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
