YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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