I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
