is your mom at the bar?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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