just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You've changed since you got that strap on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
