he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
