Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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