i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Everclear isn't food dammit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
