dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
