you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
