My first STD was from a foam party
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
