I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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