I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
