Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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